I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
