You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
