You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
