is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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