You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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