I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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