Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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