grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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