how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Acid is not a monday night drug
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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