How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
