are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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