you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
