I molested 6 butterflies tonight
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
