Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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