i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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