I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
