no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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