you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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