There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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