what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize