Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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