That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
