I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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