So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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