my phone needs a breathalizer
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
