Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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