My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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