I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
