I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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