sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
