it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
