i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
