Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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