his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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