some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
