you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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