I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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