I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
