The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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