Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
