I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
