I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
