I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
