he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
