I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
