I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
