Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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