i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
