Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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