cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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