im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
