wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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