where am i from again
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
