4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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