remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
