She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
