69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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