she's into porn, im staying here tonight
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
