You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
