I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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