During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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