I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
